Loneliness: A Study for Conversation
Loneliness: A Study for Conversation
Source: I Weigh with Jameela Jamil: Vivek Murthy (Listen: 59 min)
Contributor: Selena Garcia
“LONELINESS CAN LOOK LIKE A LOT OF OTHER THINGS.” - VIVEK MURTHY
Jameela is raw and smart. She sits down (figuratively - these are COVID times) with Vivek Murthy, who is Former US Surgeon General, to discuss how "widespread the problem of loneliness is, Western culture's tendency to give too much space, social media's role with loneliness, and how to foster connectivity."
They each share personal experiences with loneliness and dive into the impact it has on our lives. "Not just emotionally, but also physically. The impact it has on our actual health and the longevity of our lives. Vivek's gone around the world to learn as much as he can about it."
You can tell Vivek is not only smart but a great listener. It's particularly interesting to learn about how loneliness can look like a lot of other things, and the physiology behind it is fascinating. It's a compounded situation, really, and you'll learn a thing or two, or three.
“SOMETIMES IT CAN BE HARD TO KNOW IF WHAT YOU ARE FEELING IS LONELINESS, OR DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY. WHILE THESE THINGS ARE DISTINCT, THERE IS A RELATIONSHIP THERE.” - VIVEK MURTHY
(10:23) VM: "Loneliness is confused with a lot of other things. What loneliness is, is this subjective feeling that we do not have enough social connection in our life. And this is different from isolation, which is an objective term, it's an objective measure in fact of how many people I have around me. But the reason these are distinct is because what matters is what you feel. Just because you are not isolated, because you may have hundreds of people around you all the time, it doesn't necessarily mean that you feel connected to them or feel you have strong relationships with them. And so, you could feel quite lonely in that setting.”
“By contrast, just because you don't have many people around you—if you let's say just have one or two good friends— it doesn't mean you're consigned to be lonely. You could be quite content with one or two good friendships. So, what matters in whether we're lonely or not, is the quality and strength of our connections. To me, one of the hallmarks of a strong relationship is one where we feel that we can be our authentic selves. We can show up as who we are, where we don't have to wear a mask and try to be somebody who we're not just to be acceptable or to impress somebody."
(17:37) VM: "Because one of the challenges with loneliness, and one of the reasons people look around them and sometimes say 'hey, why are we saying loneliness is so common? I don't see it around me,' is because loneliness can look like a lot of other things.”
“Very often in men when loneliness presents, especially in older men, it can actually look like irritability, it can look like social withdrawal, it can look like anger and frustration. Now it's very common for older men when they either retire, lose a spouse or fall ill. Actually, what triggered an episode of loneliness in their life or long period of loneliness. So this is important because if we don't recognize that loneliness can look like sadness and withdrawal, that it can look like anger and grouchiness, that it can look like general withdrawal, that it can look like aloofness even, we can end up judging people who look like them.”
“We can meet someone at a party and say 'ah that person seems aloof. Seems like they don't want to hang out, and I'm trying to talk to them, and they're not being friendly.' And the reason is when you understand actually what loneliness does to us, you can start to understand why people manifest like this."
LISTEN TO THE FULL PODCAST, HERE. (59 min)
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