“Permission to feel” - Dr. Marc Brackett + Brené Brown
“Permission to feel” - Dr. Marc Brackett + Brené Brown
Source: Unlocking Us Podcast | Brené Brown + Dr. Marc Brackett (Listen: 53 min)
Contributor: Selena Garcia
“Emotional regulation is effortful…You have to want to regulate. You've got to see that it's going to help you have greater well-being, that's going to help you have better relationships, that’s going to help you attain your goals." – Dr. Marc Brackett
What is emotional literacy, and why is it important? In this podcast, Brené Brown and Dr. Marc Brackett break it down for you. The research discussed is not only fascinating but extremely important. To understand your emotional landscape is powerful.
While it’s safe to assume you know Brené (bad-ass researcher of all the things like vulnerability, shame, courage, and empathy, a NY Times bestseller a few times over, with her own Netflix special), you might be asking ‘who is Marc?’
“Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is the Founder and Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a Professor in the Child Study Center of Yale University.” He’s got some great stories to complement his experience and a cool demeanor. Together, they geek out about how “emotional literacy—being able to recognize, name, and understand our feelings—affects everything from learning, decision making, and creativity, to relationships, health, and performance.”
What you learn here can make a real impact on how you deal with life by understanding the causes and consequences of your feelings.
“There’s so many variables that go into whether or not we talk about our feelings because we’re going to be judged, often times, for having them.” – Dr. Marc Brackett
NOTE: at 6:57, Dr. Marc Brackett briefly shares that he was sexually abused as a child and the feelings that can come with that.
(12:26) Dr. Brackett: "People have no training in emotion recognition. I have a whole theory about that. Firstly, it's not a part of the curriculum. How much time do we spend in school, learning about feelings, and emotions, and moods? When you analyze the curriculum from math to language arts to science to whatever you're learning, it's still an add-on even with social and emotional learning. It's not integrated, it's not a part of our education system."
(14:42) Dr. Brackett: "For anybody who's a naysayer, I just say 'you don't know the research,' because once you understand the data and the science behind this, there's no way that you won't want to take this seriously.”
(35:40) Dr. Brackett: "The suppression, the repression, the denial. The way I like to think about it is that emotional regulation is effortful. You have to want to regulate, you've got to be motivated to regulate, you've got to see that it's going to help you have greater well-being, that's going to help you have better relationships, it's going to help you attain your goals. But most of us aren't taught to think that way, so we think that just by suppressing or repressing, we can move on. And we all know that doesn't happen, right? These emotions don't go away. The suppression doesn't mean it goes away; it means it gets buried in your belly or in your heart or your lower back. I would just call those maladaptive or unhelpful strategies."
(37:27) Dr. Brackett: "Think about people that we're in relationship with, and how many people have not been taught how to talk about their feelings or express their feelings with the people they love the most, potentially. And you realize that you don't really know the person you've been living with for twenty years because you're not willing to be vulnerable. You're not willing to be your true self and share the feelings that you're having. And it pains me that we have gone through life without the inability to just be our authentic selves with the people we love the most. My question is 'what do we need to do to create a society where that's part of the past?'"
(38:09) Brené: "All we really want, I think, are—the core human need is to be seen and known and loved. And if we don't understand the emotional landscape in our own lives, much less of the people we are trying to see and know and love, we can't get there. And so many people die without ever getting there."
(38:55) Dr. Brackett: "There are so many variables that go into whether or not we talk about our feelings because we're going to be judged, oftentimes, for having them."
LISTEN, HERE (53 min)
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