Not Moving On, Moving Forward
Not Moving On, Moving Forward
Source: TED Radio Hour | Moving Forward (Listen: 53 min)
Contributor: Selena Garcia
“I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DO ANY OF THIS. I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO SIT WITH MY OWN DISCOMFORT, AND MY OWN PAIN. I WANTED TO BE ANYWHERE ELSE.” - NORA MCINERNY
Loss is one of the things in life we expect to a certain extent—it's one of life's certainties. But when you or someone you know suffers a loss or a series of losses so significant, words can fail us.
In this podcast with Guy Roz, there are three different stories, but we will focus on one—Nora McInerny. “In the fall of 2014, Nora McInerny was going through something devastating. Something a lot of us might struggle to even imagine."
One thing you’ll never want to say to Nora, is anything that pertains to the notion of “moving on,” and to instead see loss as a way of moving forward. “Grief is a multi-tasking emotion,” she says.
She is the author of the book "The Hot Young Widow's Club," and hosts a podcast about grief and loss called "Terrible, Thanks for Asking."
“WHAT CAN WE DO OTHER THAN TRY TO REMIND ONE ANOTHER THAT SOME THINGS CAN’T BE FIXED, AND NOT ALL WOUNDS ARE MEANT TO HEAL?” - NORA MCINERNY
(7:03) NORA: “People would say to me, ‘it’s so amazing to see how you’ve moved on.’ And I would think, why do you think that, and also why would that be my goal?”
(10:35) NORA: “Grief doesn't happen in this vacuum, it happens alongside of and mixed in with all of these other emotions.”
(17:00) NORA: “But grief is kind of one of those things, like, falling in love or having a baby or watching "The Wire" on HBO, where you don't get it until you get it, until you do it. And once you do it, once it's your love or your baby, once it's your grief and your front row at the funeral, you get it. You understand what you're experiencing is not a moment in time, it's not a bone that will reset, but that you've been touched by something chronic. Something incurable. It's not fatal, but sometimes grief feels like it could be. And if we can't prevent it in one another, what can we do?”
(17:45) NORA: “What can we do other than try to remind one another that some things can't be fixed, and not all wounds are meant to heal? We need each other to remember, to help each other remember, that grief is this multitasking emotion. That you can and will be sad, and happy; you'll be grieving, and able to love in the same year or week, the same breath. We need to remember that a grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again. If they're lucky, they'll even find love again. But yes, absolutely, they're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on.”
(20:08) NORA: “Consciously moving forward, to me, is choosing to live.”
LISTEN TO THE FULL PODCAST, HERE (53 min)
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