“How to Get Over Your Ex + Find True Love in Your Relationships” from On Purpose
“How to Get Over Your Ex + Find True Love in Your Relationships”
Source: On Purpose w/ Jay Shetty + Matthew Hussey
Contributor: Selena Garcia
“The relationship itself is about every stage of it and the effort that’s put in…” - Matthew Hussey
Most of us are not taught how to be in relationship with others, nor are we taught how our traumas can create negative patterns in relationships. What skills does one need? What should you look for?
In this podcast from On Purpose with Jay Shetty, he and Matthew Hussey talk relationships, from finding the right person to seeking closure when it ends. What amount of energy are you willing to give to someone who isn’t at par with what you offer?
Maybe you stayed in a relationship longer than you think you should have, telling yourself, “They’re not so bad.” Perhaps you do all the things to make someone love you and break up with them the moment they do.
Did your partner go from great to wtf? Do you have the desire to impress rather than connect? How about getting crazy nervous on a first date? Waiting for your partner to change? No matter your relationship status, get curious—curious about the things in your relationships, past or present, that can help you learn and grow.
While this podcast mainly focuses on romantic relationships, Jay and Matthew do touch on how the perspectives and principles shared here can apply to professional relationships.
Would you like to know the best relationship advice Matthew’s ever received? Press play. This podcast covers so much more than sampled below.
“In a relationship, you get what you pay for. If you want it to be great, invest in it.” – Matthew Hussey
**Skip to 5 min in unless you want to hear them talk sports.
(12:49) MATTHEW: "People consistently get burned when they're not factoring into the equation of how right someone is, whether this person is demonstrating, A, that they are also at a time in their life where they're looking for the same thing and, B, that they have genuine, great relationship skills.
(13:26) MATTHEW: "Like, we're all going to argue at some point, but how do we argue?... I believe in timing more these days. And I believe that we undervalue to an incredible extent genuine relationship skills, and we overvalue just kind of mindless attraction.
(14:59) MATTHEW: "I always thought I was such a great guy in relationships. I really did. The line I always used to say about myself is, 'Maybe I wasn't ready,' or, 'Maybe I wasn't in a place where I wanted the same thing. But I was a great partner while I was in it.' That wasn't true. I was a gentleman. I was respectful. I've always been kind. That's always been a through-line of my life. But you can be kind and dumb. And you can hurt a lot of people when you're kind and dumb.
(15:42) MATTHEW: "Sometimes, it takes someone who is better than you at a certain part of a relationship. Maybe not the whole thing, but they come along, and you notice that they… argue differently than you do. You went into fight mode, and they went into compassion mode and said, 'Look, Babe. I know you feel like this, but the way you're reacting right now, here is how it's making me feel.'
(16:45) MATTHEW: "When someone takes you off-road, you have two choices. You can either be afraid of that. There's something uncomfortable about it because you're not used to it. Even kindness can be uncomfortable if you're not used to it. But when someone takes you off road, that really is an opportunity to watch what someone else is doing.
(20:32) MATTHEW: "In a relationship, you get what you pay for. If you want it to be great, invest in it.
(31:51) MATTHEW: "And you sit there, and you obsess over someone who just left you. You obsess over what they could have been. 'This was so promising. They were everything that I was looking for. This could have been.' And any time someone breaks up with us, the heartbreak is the loss of the life we thought we were going to have with someone. 'This is what it could have been. This is what it should have been.'
(32:23) MATTHEW: "And my answer to that is, it would have been if it should have been and could have been.
(36:41) MATTHEW: "The relationship itself is about every stage of it and the effort that's put in….
(01:12:21) MATTHEW: "Someone needs to have some skin in the game… They're conning themselves that somebody else is one day going to be different. And at that point, you have to say to yourself, 'On what basis have you decided this?… This idea that some grand change is imminent, what is that based on?'
(01:14:04) MATTHEW: "Then it becomes about exploring yourself and saying, 'Well, this person's been this way for years, and I've complained about it for years. So, is this still about them? Can I really keep saying this is about them?'"
Listen to the full podcast, here.
Image via Lucas Ottone
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