Unblocking Love: Expert Dating Advice & Scientific Insight TO GUIDE YOUR JOURNEY
Unblocking Love: Expert Dating Advice & Scientific Insight TO GUIDE YOUR JOURNEY
Contributor: Selena Garcia
“Just because it’s right, doesn’t mean it will be easy… the danger with that idea… is that often what feels easy to us is what’s comfortable to us, what’s familiar to us… easy isn’t the same thing as fulfilling.” — MATTHEW HUSSEY
Guardrailing, an apparent new trend in dating today, is about protecting your energy and setting boundaries. So, to accompany your guardrailing, here are a few podcasts to help you make more informed decisions by understanding when you may be setting a boundary, and when you might just be blocking love. They will have you inquiring if your subconscious energy could be getting in the way, as well as offer nuanced advice for dating. Are you making one or more of these seven mistakes in dating?
All of the above said, sometimes we need to know when to stop. Stop fixing, swiping, praying, manifesting, dating, doing, and just be. Take a beat, a breath, a long break, maybe there’s nothing to do but live your most liberated single life. But if you're curious about different perspectives and insight, may you find these podcasts interesting.
“Some people think of their ex, and the thought of that person makes them feel out of balance. All you need is an image and an emotion, a thought and a feeling, a stimulus and a response, and you’re conditioning your body emotionally into the past.” – Dr. Joe Dispenza
1) “This Keeps 99% of People Single!” – Fix This to Find Love | Joe Dispenza + Lewis Howes
DESCRIPTION: “In this episode from Lewis Howes, The School of Greatness and Joe Dispenza, learn about how to transform your mind for lasting love and magnetic relationships.
“Dr. Joe Dispenza is an international speaker, researcher, author, and educator who is passionate about the findings from the fields of neuroscience, epigenetics, and quantum physics to explore the science behind spontaneous remissions. He uses that knowledge to help people heal themselves of illness, chronic conditions, and even terminal diseases so they can enjoy a more fulfilled, happy life, and evolve their consciousness.
(7:08) Dr. Dispenza: “The stronger the emotions that we feel from the problems and the conditions in our life, the more altered we feel inside of us, the more we pay attention to what’s causing it outside of us. So, if you have an event in your life—like an experience in your life that has a strong emotional charge to it—and you don’t feel like your normal self, you feel this alarm system switch on, you’re going to narrow your focus on the cause, and the brain is going to take a snapshot. And that’s called a long-term memory, right? So, what people don’t know is that anytime people think about that event, they’re producing the same chemistry in their brain and body as if the event was occurring in that moment. So, the highly charged event is actually producing the emotion, and the body is so objective that it doesn’t know the difference between the real experience that’s creating the emotion and the emotion that the person is fabricating by thought alone… some people think of their ex, and the thought of that person makes them feel out of balance.
“All you need is an image and an emotion, a thought and a feeling, a stimulus and a response, and you’re conditioning your body emotionally into the past. So, the memory is not just in the brain now, it’s in the body. So that thought of that person is actually creating a response in the body that’s consuming the body’s energy for growth and repair, consuming the body’s energy to create, because in survival it's not a time to create. It’s survival—it’s time to run, fight and hide. So, the problem is that it becomes a sub-conscious program. It’s no longer a conscious process. It now is a sub-conscious process, so now the body has been conditioned into resentment, into unhappiness, into fear, anxiety, whatever it is.
(56:06) Dr. Dispenza: “I think the number one thing that I’ve learned over the years in any relationship is about awareness. It’s about who am I being in this moment, how conscious can I stay, how am I speaking, how am I acting, what is the tone of my voice, how much more can I give, how can I forgive?... Fear is not the opposite of love, it’s the separation from it. Anger is not the opposite of love, it’s the separation from love. Pain, suffering, is not the opposite of love, it’s the separation from love. So, then as people heal into wholeness, by learning how to create coherence into their brain and heart, the side-effect of that a lot of times are dramatic changes in their health… Only when you are unhappy with yourself, unhappy with your life, are you going to dig up the past and find out the reason of why you are that way.”
“We need to go beyond our feelings and into the realm of practicality, of boundaries, of compatibility and of character. A person’s character is deep within them. Character is what we discover and what we uncover and what we reveal to another beyond the mask.” — JILLIAN TURECKI
2) The Dating Advice that will Change Your Life — Jillian on Love
DESCRIPTION: “In today’s episode, Jillian shares the most important and nuanced advice for dating, which includes how to understand men and women better so you can have more empathy and relational wisdom. Get ready to hear information that no one is talking about, but is desperately needed.
(3:43) Jillian: “The truth is, in order for someone to really know us, and for us to know them, we need to be able to see each other when we’re not our best selves, when stress is high, and how we deal with it. In other words, we have to know a person’s character before we get too attached. What I mean by too attached means we commit to them. You’re telling everyone and yourself that you love them, because oftentimes we get so seduced by feeling. Because that’s really what motivates us to even want to fall in love, is to feel love. It’s to feel the intoxicating experience of very magnified positive emotion. But love isn’t enough. It’s a very important criteria, but it’s not enough. We need to go beyond our feelings and into the realm of practicality, of boundaries, of compatibility and of character. A person’s character is deep within them. Character is what we discover and what we uncover and what we reveal to another beyond the mask.
(9:51) Jillian: “You just have to say to yourself, ‘I’m not committing to this person until we know each other’s character and we’re ok with it. I’m not committing to this person until I know we can deal with conflict together. I’m not moving in with this person until I know that we are both all in and working toward a common goal, the common goal being, ‘how can we have the best relationship that we possibly can?’ So, we all have to decide what our standard is with all that.
**Jillian shares what low and high character is.
(39:20) Jillian: “It can get incredibly overwhelming, and incredibly confusing, and if we can have more compassion and empathy for this very real societal conditioning hypnosis that we’re in, then our relationships will feel a lot more connected, and they will be better…
(40:44) Jillian: “I believe that freedom is the most important value that anyone can value in a relationship… it is the freedom to be yourself in a relationship. How does this apply to dating? There are many people… who would rather be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship than to be alone and wait for the right person. In other words, there are people… where their hunger for love is stronger than their self-love.”
“If we’re being an authentic version of ourselves, we will get rejected. It’s not just normal, it should be expected, because when we’re bringing all of ourselves to the table, we won’t be for everybody.” — Matthew Hussey
3) “7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Dating” — Matthew Hussey
Matthew expands on these fully. Listen to the full share, where he expands on them all. Especially #5!
(2:15) Matthew Hussey “—1) You are not for everyone and that’s ok…
But remember this—if we’re being an authentic version of ourselves, we will get rejected. It’s not just normal, it should be expected, because when we’re bringing all of ourselves to the table, we won’t be for everybody. And that has nothing to do with our worth, it has to do with everybody else’s tastes.
(4:03) “—2) What we want and what we need are very different things…
We get attracted to these things that have no bearing on how great of a partner somebody will eventually be... None of those qualities that we initially get attracted to are about how happy this person will make us… The danger of going after the thing we say we want is that so many of them are driven by our ego… So often that divorces us from that real experience of being with someone.
(6:07) “—3) Hard to get does not mean great to keep…
Just because someone is hard to get it doesn’t mean that they would be very valuable for our life if we were able to get them…
(8:11) “—4) Intention is everything…
Intention is ‘does someone want the same things I do?’... Someone liking us could be really uninteresting if we find out they don’t actually want what we want. Intention is everything.
(10:35) “—5) Get out of the middle…
My overthinking had me be incredibly indecisive about what was right for my love life, and who was right for my love life, and who should I ultimately end up with?... When I was over-thinking about that instead of just being in the moment and experiencing someone and seeing where something went, it would make me look for things that made someone not the right person. And if I found something that made someone appear, in some way big or small, to not be the right person, I would then withdraw…
(13:00) “—6) Never abandon yourself for someone you want…
The danger is that we start to forget or not pay attention to the fact that every compromise, every sacrifice is always in the same direction… We can lose track, we can start to forget ourselves, we can start to forget who we are and what we enjoy…
(15:18) “—7) Just because it’s right, doesn’t mean it will be easy…
The danger with that idea… is that often what feels easy to us is what’s comfortable to us, what’s familiar to us… Easy isn’t the same thing as fulfilling… It’s also not true that great relationships are just hard, the nuance is somewhere in the middle… it’s ok for something to be hard in moments, that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong relationship.”
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