Oh Breakups
Oh Breakups
Source: Two selected resources below
Contributor: Selena Garcia
“If we don’t look at our pain we don’t learn from our pain, and then we can’t grow from our pain, and then we can’t show up differently.” - Mark Groves
It doesn’t matter how much experience you have with breakups; they (mostly) suck.
A breakup requires acknowledging that if we do not make an effort to learn from our relationship outcomes, we will repeat them. A lot of our pain and trauma happens in relationship to other people, and the only way it can be repaired is in relationship to other people. Fun.
Here are two resources to help you through the day:
1) Mark Groves – The Breakup Special: Rising from the Ashes of Heartbreak (Listen: 21:18)
Description: “This time effing hurts. It doesn’t matter whether you wanted the ending or not, you are hurting, and we have all been there. Mark walks alongside you and helps you understand the hardest parts, the most painful parts, and explains that this rock bottom can be an anchor and a beginning of new possibilities for a deeper and truer connection to ourselves and others. Get ready to rise.”
(Start Listening: 2:13)
(4:10) Mark asks you to finish these sentences:
1) When I love people they ________.
2) When I let people love me they _________.
“You’ll see that whatever that is, is the upper limit that you hit in love.”
(8:20) “I think the real challenge… is that we tend to either grieve and stay stuck in the grief, or we step into growth, and we bypass the grief. But then the grief comes out far later, and when we’re stuck in grief, we just never grow, and we’re forever marinading in our ex, our old relationships. And so, we have to learn how to grieve, how to grow.”
(12:11) “The challenge is if we don’t look at our pain, we don’t learn from our pain, and then we can’t grow from our pain, and then we can’t show up differently. And that’s why the patterns keep repeating themselves... that’s why being introspective is one of the most important things. Having relational self-awareness when you get out of a breakup is one of the most important things.”
“To see that we’re not just the rejected person in that moment, it changes the entire experience.” - Esther Perel
2) Esther Perel: Rituals for Breakup + Divorce (Watch 4:40)
(4:01) “How to turn an experience that is often so lonely into a collective experience. Because who has not experienced some form of breakup? I can’t emphasize it enough because breakups in particular – we isolate, we hide, we feel ashamed, we feel so sad, we feel so bad about ourselves. If we can actually make that experience slightly more common and normal, that we all go through. And then to see that we’re not just the rejected person in that moment, it changes the entire experience.”
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